My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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