I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
