woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
