Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
