Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
