i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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