you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
