today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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