Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
