There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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