no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
