I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
