My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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