perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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