He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
