dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
