and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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