He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
