I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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