Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
