Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
