Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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