used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
