I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
