Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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