Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
