I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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