garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
