she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
