Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
