i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
