i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
