when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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