i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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