Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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