throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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