at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
