This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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