im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
