I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
