Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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