He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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