I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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