I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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