she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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