may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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