Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
