ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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