He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
