So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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