OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
