Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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