Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
